Treachery and divorce: When God sees betrayal

If you have been betrayed by a spouse: The God who sees you has been there.

If you have not: Someone you know may desperately need you to know what the church may not have told you, about treachery and divorce.

And if you have pretended your betrayed spouse has betrayed you: The Lord sees you, too.

The face of the betrayed: wilted sunflower "face" seen through shattered glass

How many of us in the Evangelical world have grown up knowing, “God hates divorce”?

How do we know it? “The Bible tells us so.” Or actually, one verse in the last book of the Old Testament.

Here’s one rendering of that verse:

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Mal. 2:16 NAS)

How many of us have not known?

Malachi 2:16 may not say what we’ve thought it said – about divorce.

“The Hebrew of Malachi 2:16 is not straightforward,” says theologian Marg Mowczko in her post, God on Divorce (Malachi 2:16).

In the Hebrew, it’s uncertain:

who is doing the hating;
what (or who) is hated;
what is “covering” what.

I’m reminded here what Peter once noted about Paul: He “wrote you with the wisdom that God gave him … His letters contain some things that are hard to understand” (2 Peter 3:15, 16).

Likewise, Malachi wrote with wisdom from God. And he wrote some things that are hard to understand.

When we set Malachi 2:16 alongside other pertinent Scriptures, we find: God does not forbid divorce. In fact,

God speaks of himself as divorcing his covenant people,
when they have abandoned and betrayed him
and have resolutely refused to turn back.

More on that in the post, Divorcing: When God does what he hates.

Now, though, we need to explore this:

Malachi 2:16 says what we may not have known it said – about treachery.

It urges:

Do. Not. Deal. Treacherously.

Five times in Malachi 2:10-16, the inspired prophet used the Hebrew word bagad. It means, “to act or deal treacherously.” Twice, Malachi named what he saw people doing. Three times, he urged, “Do not do it!”

What God forbids

Treachery is “a betrayal of trust by a close companion, often involving a preconceived plan.” – Dictionary of Bible Themes

“It is a word that is reserved for the most despicable breaches of trust.” – Forerunner Commentary

“Someone who is treacherous pretends that they support you but secretly tries to harm you.” – Macmillan Dictionary

Sometimes in Scripture, God shows us treachery occurring. Sometimes – instead, or in addition – he tells us, “This behavior is treacherous.” He does not use the word lightly. When we see it, we can know: It speaks of actions the Lord detests.

Treachery is an action – and can become a pattern of behavior. Active, not passive. Willful, not accidental. Treachery is not an oopsy. It’s a choice.

Those who repeatedly make that choice tend to do so without taking any responsibility, or expressing any genuine remorse. On rare occasions, though, they might say, “I’m sorry,” and say it quite convincingly.

Treachery is an act. It’s a practiced performance. People do not suddenly go from walking in love and truth – to betraying those who trust them.

What’s more, people who deal in treachery are not trying to be trustworthy, and failing.

Rather, they are intent on appearing trustworthy, in order to get what they want. If they’re adept at deception, it’s usually because they have practiced fooling the trusting for a long time.

They’ve learned to seem so nice, so harmless, so helpless, so helpful, so gallant, so godly – or in any number of other ways, so Good – that neither the betrayed nor the witnesses will question their integrity.

What they may not seem is “smart enough” to carry out next-level deception of the people who know them best. Sometimes that’s part of the act.

But also, skill in cunning doesn’t hinge on having a high IQ. No, a person increases their capacity for treachery when they persist in thinking only of themselves, hardening their hearts toward others and opposing the truth.

Because treachery is so … treacherous, we may look right at it, and not see it. We may believe and trust in someone, even as they betray us, or betray someone we know, or betray the God they appear to serve.

And even when the treachery does become apparent, the treacherous may convince us that it was unintentional, or not as bad as it seems, or did not happen at all. They may utterly confuse us as to who is betraying whom.

No wonder Isaiah cried,

I waste away, I waste away! Woe to me! The treacherous betray! With treachery the treacherous betray! (Isa. 24:16)

Treachery is deliberate. Deceitful. Dangerous. Despicable.

And any one of us can be fooled by it, hammered by it, and used by it to hurt someone else.

But God sees what we cannot. If we will look to him – humbly asking, humbly listening, willing to wait, willing to know – he will show us the truth we need to see.

The anguish betrayal causes

David experienced years of betrayal by his mentor, King Saul – while Saul played to the hilt the lie that he was the victim and David, the betrayer. Many of David’s psalms describe the pain such treachery caused him. In Psalm 25, he cried to God:

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
(vv. 16-17)

Even when it seemed the treachery would never be exposed, and the pain would never end, David turned to God, and cried:

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
O my God, in you I trust;
let me not be put to shame,
let not my enemies exult over me.
Indeed, none who wait for you shall be put to shame;
they shall be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous.
(vv. 1-3 ESV)

Jesus felt the white-hot pain of betrayal even as he died on a cross for us all.¹

The men who followed him most closely had abandoned him. In addition, Peter had denied him. All of that must have hurt him very much. Yet note, as Jesus himself did: Only one of the 12 acted treacherously against him.

See the Lord’s grave words. Hear his broken heart.

Truly I tell you, one of you will betray me – one who is eating with me. (Mark 14:18)

Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss? (Luke 22:48)

The Lord experienced profound betrayal in Jeremiah’s day too.

Long before Jeremiah lived, God’s people had split into two kingdoms, named Israel and Judah.

From the start, Israel had embraced idolatry. Openly, relentlessly, the people had turned away from the Lord with whom they had made covenant. They had worshiped idols on various “high places” across the land.

Meanwhile in Judah, the people continued the Temple worship, as well as the priesthood that God had set up and the outward acts of worship the Lord had told them to do. But in time, they too abandoned their Lord to worship idols.

They did it covertly, though. They kept their infidelity hidden, in darkness, behind a God-fearing façade.

In Jeremiah 3, the Lord cried out in anguish. He spoke of his covenant relationship with his people as marriage to his bride:

Did you see what unfaithful Israel did? She went up every high mountain and under every large tree, and she acted like a prostitute there. I thought that after she had done all this that she would come back to me. But she didn’t come back, and her treacherous sister Judah saw her.

Judah saw that I sent unfaithful Israel away because of her adultery and that I gave Israel her divorce papers.

But treacherous Judah, her sister, wasn’t afraid. She also acted like a prostitute … Even after all this, Israel’s treacherous sister Judah didn’t wholeheartedly come back to me. She was deceitful. (Jer. 3:6-8, 10 GW)

Israel’s unfaithfulness was grievous and catastrophic, but not hidden. Judah’s treachery – like all treachery – added to deliberate unfaithfulness, profound deception. That’s why a grieving God could say:

Unfaithful Israel was less guilty than treacherous Judah. (Jer. 3:11 GW)

The precursor: a divided heart

Tragically, it was David’s son Solomon who caused Israel to divide into two kingdoms and who set them both on their downward spirals into unfaithfulness and treachery.

At the very time the young King Solomon was wisely asking God for wisdom and building the Temple of the Lord, he also set out on a journey to a divided heart.

As part of that journey, Solomon loved and collected many women – like you or I might love and collect stamps or shoes or antiques.

In other words, he used and abused women, by apparently setting out to have and hoard every one of them that he wanted. And he very much wanted the women from other nations whose presence in his court could help him keep peace with the kingdoms that surrounded Israel.

But those same women got their revenge, in a way. They served the gods of their peoples. And they led Solomon to embrace idolatry and to betray his Lord.

His choices led his people into centuries of division and idol worship. And their choices led to the downfall and exile, first of “unfaithful Israel,” then of “treacherous Judah.”

By Malachi’s day, a remnant of the exiles had come home. They had built another, smaller Temple, to replace the one their conquerors destroyed. They had set out in earnest to renew their covenant with the Lord, and to be his people in truth.

And yet, as time passed and new generations were born, they too had fallen away.

The Lord has been a witness

In the last book of the Old Testament, Malachi confronts treachery. Specifically, he confronts the already-married men who were taking new wives from surrounding nations, wives who worshiped other gods.

The men were ignoring their wedding vows, and the covenant their people had made with God – and the huge, pervasive, generational consequences such behavior had caused in the past. And yet, they were acting as if they had betrayed no one at all.

Malachi cried:

Have we not all one Father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously with one another, by profaning the covenant of our fathers?

Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord, which He loves, and has married the daughter of a foreign god. May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob any descendant of the man who does this, teacher and student, yet who brings an offering to the Lord of Hosts.

This is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying out, because He no longer regards the offering, nor receives it with good will from your hand. Yet you say, “Why?” It is because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

Did He not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.

For the Lord, the God of Israel, says that He hates divorce; for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of Hosts.

Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously. (Mal. 2:10-16 MEV)

The Lord defends the betrayed

In the midst of some things hard to understand, one strong warning echoes:

Take heed to your spirit,
that you do not deal treacherously!

Yet we may read this passage in our English Bible translations, and miss that warning, because of our own biased focus, but also because of translators’ choices.

Each time bagad occurs in this passage, many versions render it as, “to be unfaithful,” or, “to be faithless.” In so doing, they strip the warning of its full force.

They obscure the fact that the breaking of trust God repeatedly forbids here is active, not passive – and so deceptive that it may be utterly hidden, or utterly disguised.

What’s more: Some Bible versions translate the five appearances of bagad in several different ways. So we who read the passage have no idea how fiercely and pointedly the Lord warns us against it.

And thus, God’s outcry against treachery fades into the background – and the line, “I hate divorce,” jumps to the fore.

As a result, we may remain confident in, or guilted by, what we believe the passage says about divorce. At the same time, we may continue giving a pass to people in the church who deal treacherously. We may ignore, silence and judge those who have been deeply wronged.

Yet Malachi was not writing to beat up the hurting. Moved by the Spirit of God, the prophet spoke from God, sounding a strong warning to those choosing wrongdoing – AND a strong encouragement to those being wronged:²

The Lord hates treachery.
The Lord defends the betrayed.

This is the first post in a two-post series on Malachi 2:16.

Image by PixArc on Pixabay.

Footnotes

See also the post, God’s heartbeat. ↩︎
See 2 Peter 1:21. ↩︎

Healing from toxic church – seeking what is precious, and truly God