Exploited in the church, but Leah no more
“I’m Leah!” I cried. I had given myself to a church culture that had used me and used me, while profoundly rejecting my personhood, my adulthood, my worth, me.
“I’m Leah!” I cried. I had given myself to a church culture that had used me and used me, while profoundly rejecting my personhood, my adulthood, my worth, me.
At a crucial moment in my life, Henry Blackaby and Caleb of old encouraged me: Regardless which way anyone else is rowing, you be filled with following God.
“She cannot say that!” the woman yelled. Half a world from my home, she forbade me to invite the churched to repent. Then, we watched the Lord break through.
It’s so enticing, and so much a part of the US evangelical church culture. Yet the lure of celebrity can deceive us into agreeing with much that is not God.
“Women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak.” The meaning of that quote from 1 Corinthians 14:34-35 is obvious, right? God silences women, and the inspired apostle Paul affirmed it. Or maybe, just maybe: The Lord and Paul both snort at the idea – and we have not known it.
Since childhood, I’ve treasured what Jesus said in John 8:32. “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Yet somehow, till now, I have not seen the diamond in its setting, so to speak. I have not seen the import for us all.
In the church, those obsessed with manipulating, intimidating and dominating can pose as those serving God. And we can be very fooled for a very long time.
Sitting in my car at that gas station on that winter afternoon, staring at Isaiah 58:1, I began to cry ... Oh. Lord. Not. This. Assignment.
When it comes to dealing with anything spirit, the church has a long history of ignoring, twisting, adding to and taking away from the truth that gives us rest.
I saw it for the first time in a meeting I called and led. No. Actually: I realized then what I had been seeing for years. It broke my heart. I’ve tried to tell the story twice before. Both times, I described what happened in that meeting, but did not include any backstory. Now it’s time to write the whole story. Bring honor to your name, holy Lord.
In the middle of that dark-valley time, I often found myself alone with God, crying aloud and writing passionately in my journal. During that time too, I came to identify with David, the shepherd-poet-warrior-king, in ways I had not before. For David was also ostracized by people he trusted. And he cried out in distress - and in faith.
Why, in midlife, did I suddenly find my boundaries battered and my adulthood denied?