A person given over to evil can cause untold devastation. A person given over to evil, who gains great power, can devastate exponentially more lives.

In the book of Esther, two men named Xerxes and Haman had this in common: They had no empathy, no conscience and each thought the world revolved around him.

Fast track to the top

Xerxes ruled the Persian Empire that stretched “from India to Ethiopia” (Esther 1:1). Haman entered the picture perhaps four years after Xerxes named Esther as queen.

King Xerxes honored Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, elevating him and giving him a seat of honor higher than that of all the other nobles. All the royal officials at the king’s gate knelt down and paid honor to Haman, for the king had commanded this concerning him. (3:1-2)¹

Conning a self-absorbed king

Haman isn’t named among Xerxes’ advisors in Esther 1 and 2. Yet by Esther 3:1, Haman has risen meteorically to the top, second only to the king himself. Even more amazing, King Xerxes – whose motto is, “I deserve the royal treatment, and you exist to give it to me” – has commanded that everyone, including the other royal advisors, kneel before Haman.

How did that happen? Surely, Haman conned the king into issuing the order, by somehow convincing Xerxes, “I just want what’s best for you.”

So now, a bad situation has become exponentially worse. The two most powerful people in the empire want always only to be lifted up, and for everyone else to grovel.

As the story unfolds, we see: Haman is as consummate a narcissist as Xerxes, and an even more malignant one. In fact, Haman is so self-consumed and heartless, so given to evil, that we might wonder: How in the world did he advance so far?

Surely, there were many factors. Key among them: King Xerxes, who promoted Haman, could easily be played by those who knew how. Haman wanted to be a big shot. Xerxes had the authority to make him one. Deftly, Haman found Xerxes’ sweet spots and exploited them.

Always exploiting and self-promoting

Even when there’s not a Xerxes in the picture, the Hamans among us can often find the fast track to promotion. For narcissists are illusionists.

They look for people who want to believe them. And they use their skills to convey: “My world is so much better than any world you’ve ever known. And oh how blessed you are, for I am offering you the high privilege of being welcomed into my world.”

What they may not tell you, but will work incessantly to enforce? The unwritten rule that everyone allowed entrance to this world has one job: to keep the narcissist on a pedestal, center-stage.

Here’s the mind-boggling part: As people who think very highly of themselves use us to promote themselves, what we think would alert and repel us instead may charm and seduce us.

The carrot and the mirror

Narcissists don’t just sell deception. They buy into it. Each time they opt for image over reality, a lifetime of deep and determined choices further wall out the truth.

Each time, the inflated self-image that hangs before them baits them and taunts them a little more. Like the mirror that Snow White’s stepmother kept looking into. Like a carrot on a stick.

Ever peering into the mirror, ever asking, “Who is the fairest of them all?” [or: greatest, smartest, richest, strongest, meanest, nicest,] the self-absorbed always remain desperate to hear, “You are!” But no matter how often they hear it and how many symbols of power and status they accrue, nothing satisfies. Nothing fills the void.

A king named Solomon found that out. “Pointless! Pointless!” he cried. “Utterly meaningless! Nothing matters!” (Eccl. 1:2 CJB)

Yet Solomon, Haman and Xerxes all show us: Instead of turning from their futile pursuit, narcissists can become more obsessed, with every step, to get that carrot! They can devastate their own lives and the lives of countless others, in the all-consuming mission to prove the illusion real.

The vortex and the fog

Narcissists can devastate by attacking – and by exploiting. What’s more, narcissism can create both a vortex and a fog.

The vortex sweeps people into the narcissist’s orbit. Blinded by the fog, the people within the narcissist’s sphere often do not see what they’re seeing. They believe the image the person is projecting. If they like the attention and promise of advantage that wafts from the image, they can easily be sucked further into the vortex, where often, ultimately, they’re used up, chewed up and spit out.

Always remember: The deeply deceived can deeply deceive. Indeed, no one can convince people to fall for a lie more fully than someone who believes it himself. What’s more, wealth, status and power do not look like “ruin” to those looking on.

The seduction into the narcissist’s world is profound. Even when you recognize the dynamics, you must work to resist the narcissist’s manipulations.²

Thus, you may know how narcissism works and even recognize it in someone near you – and still be deceived and manipulated by it.

Swept up in the seduction

Scripture shows us the truth about Haman – who he was, how he operated, how fully he gave himself to evil. We might think everyone in Persia would have seen that. Yet:

People who have a vested interest
in not seeing the truth
often don’t.

Great pretenders count on that and know how to use it.

Ah, but a man named Mordecai did see Haman clearly and refused to be swept up in the seduction.

Mordecai would not kneel down or pay him honor.

Then the royal officials at the king’s gate asked Mordecai, “Why do you disobey the king’s command?” Day after day they spoke to him but he refused to comply. Therefore they told Haman about it to see whether Mordecai’s behavior would be tolerated, for he had told them he was a Jew.

When Haman saw that Mordecai would not kneel down or pay him honor, he was enraged. Yet having learned who Mordecai’s people were, he scorned the idea of killing only Mordecai. Instead Haman looked for a way to destroy all Mordecai’s people, the Jews, throughout the whole kingdom of Xerxes. (3:2-6)

When one person refused the false worship he demanded, Haman flew into a rage. Yet he might never have known about Mordecai’s refusal to bow if the snitches had not told.

Picture it: Day after day, Haman passed by and Mordecai stood – while everyone around Mordecai knelt with face to the ground. Day after day, Haman did not see Mordecai standing. Apparently, Haman didn’t see anyone he passed.

How revealing that people Haman thoroughly dehumanized sided against Mordecai, instead of cheering him on. They conspired to put the only courageous one among them in his place. First, they relentlessly pestered Mordecai to conform. When he did not, they reported him.

A narcissistic system

It takes only one narcissist to wreak great havoc in a family, a company, a community or a country. The greater the position of authority that person holds, the farther the chaos extends. The fog emanating from the one creates an atmosphere of envy, competition and division among all.

The people bowing to the image begin to draw their significance from the narcissistic system: A system that tells them, “Only one can win.” A system that goads them to fight their way toward the top.

You might think they would be happy when someone tries to opt out. After all, that’s one less person to compete against. But instead, the people committed to the system see anyone who will not bow as a threat – to the system and to their status in it. They may take it on themselves to enforce the rule that everyone must bow.

Like the royal officials who tattled on Mordecai, they may run to the narcissist with news that someone has refused to conform. In so doing, they defend the system while preserving, and hopefully boosting, their standing in it.

Going for the jugular

Mordecai knew the penalty for disobeying a command of the king. Mordecai must also have known how viciously Haman would retaliate when offended.

Regardless how charming a narcissist may appear, he or she will go for the jugular when challenged, wielding weapons designed to snuff out dissent. These weapons range from the covert sabotage of the passive-aggressive, to the guilting tactics of the martyr, to violent aggression powered by full-blown rage.

Mordecai must have known that Haman’s weapon of choice was rage. Mordecai must have been prepared to die for his stand. But Mordecai was not prepared for Haman to use his rage to scapegoat an entire people group and to use the king to take them out.

In the twelfth year of King Xerxes, in the first month, the month of Nisan, the pur (that is, the lot) was cast in the presence of Haman to select a day and month. And the lot fell on the twelfth month, the month of Adar.

Then Haman said to King Xerxes, “There is a certain people dispersed among the peoples in all the provinces of your kingdom who keep themselves separate. Their customs are different from those of all other people, and they do not obey the king’s laws; it is not in the king’s best interest to tolerate them. If it pleases the king, let a decree be issued to destroy them, and I will give ten thousand talents of silver to the king’s administrators for the royal treasury.”

So the king took his signet ring from his finger and gave it to Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of the Jews. “Keep the money,” the king said to Haman, “and do with the people as you please.” (3:7-11)

Plot to destroy countless lives

Haman sidled up to Xerxes and presented a twisted view of Mordecai’s people: Calling them “a certain people,” Haman left them nameless and faceless, not human at all. Calling them “different,” he implied, “less than us, incompatible with us, bad.” Calling them lawbreakers, he slandered them.

The truth? One otherwise law-abiding man had broken one law, the law that required everyone to bow to Haman himself.

Notice that Haman avoided all mention of his personal vendetta. He framed his plea in terms of filling the royal treasury and looking out for the king’s “best interest.”

Haman rightly surmised: Xerxes wouldn’t ask for details, and he would not dismiss mass murder as a viable option. Rather, Xerxes counted whatever benefited him as well worth destroying any number of people’s lives.

The king played right into Haman’s hands. Without a second thought, he gave Haman his signet ring, the symbol of his authority. Haman lost no time in putting the ring to use.

In the first month, on the thirteenth day, royal scribes were summoned to write down everything that Haman ordered … They wrote in the name of King Ahasuerus [Xerxes] and sealed the order with the king’s royal ring. Fast runners were to take the order to all the provinces of the king.

The order commanded people to wipe out, kill, and destroy all the Jews, both young and old, even women and little children. This was to happen on a single day … They were also to seize their property …

Driven by the king’s order, the runners left Susa just as the law became public in the fortified part of Susa. While the king and Haman sat down to have a drink, the city of Susa was in total shock. (3:12-15 CEB)

Hiding the source of the plot

Did you notice? Haman gave the order, yet made it appear to have come from the king.

It’s not unusual for an offended narcissist to use others to take a dissenter out. In fact, the person being zapped may believe the hit has come from an entirely different source. In this case, Haman attributed the directive to Xerxes.

Further, Haman used the king’s power, not just to get back at Mordecai, but to plot the eradication of a nation. For one slight, Haman purposed to “wipe out, kill, and destroy all the Jews – young and old, women and children,” and to seize their possessions. His decree specified: Murder the children too.

Clueless that he’d been manipulated, heartless toward those he ruled and supremely unconcerned that he had agreed to destroy millions of lives, Xerxes joined Haman for a drink.

Two narcissists sat down to drink

Two people in power. One, highly offended. The other, easily exploited. Both, given over to evil. That combination spells disaster greater than we can imagine.

Until, perhaps, God opens our eyes.

While Xerxes and Haman sat in the royal palace in Susa, drinking a toast to themselves, riders went out to all 127 provinces of the vast Persian Empire, carrying an edict that shocked the land.

→ It demanded the sacrifice of men, women and children all across the empire – to stoke two men’s egos.

→ It compelled men in every province to take up arms and kill their neighbors – neighbors who could not resist.

Still today, when a marriage or family, a business or other entity, a church culture or a whole society orbits around one or more people obsessed with getting the royal treatment, the stage is set for dissenters to be swiftly silenced and eliminated. What’s more, the system is in place for a reign of terror to erupt.

How could any of us individually, or even a group of us collectively, begin to stem such a toxic tide? Who would dare even try?

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Testimony

I began to see what I’ve written in this post years ago, yet late in life. I learned it through much pain. Further, I wrote most of the words above in 2013. Short version:

In 1991, the Lord began showing me amazing things that I had not seen in the book of Esther. Insights about grace. Real royalty. And the enemy of both – the obsession with “getting the royal treatment,” that we sometimes call narcissism.

In 2013, after two decades of learning how to live and teach these things, I published an ebook titled, The Esther Blessing: Grace to Reign in Life. In 2017, I revised the book a bit and published a print edition too.

Since then, I’ve continued to learn. I’ve also published several posts about Esther’s story. This post is taken from chapter 3 of The Esther Blessing and from chapter 3 of the book of Esther.

 Image by Kamran Aydinov on Freepik

More from The Esther Blessing

• Love story? Fairy-tale life? The abuse in Esther
• When evil seems invincible: Two surprising sources of hope
• A sign and a wonder: The amazing grace cycle

See also

• Illusionists! The abusers we have not seen
• Journey to a divided heart
• Abusers like Ahab & Jezebel use one another
• Spirit, power, blessing and an undivided heart

Footnotes

1. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations in this post are from Esther 3. ↩︎
2. Eleanor D. Payson, The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists (Royal Oak, MI: Julian Day Publications, 2002), e-book edition. ↩︎